Director

Shakespeare was right when he wrote the line:

“To be, or not to be, that is the Question.”

The question is not:

“To try, or not to try.”

It’s not:

“To dream, or not to dream.”

But, rather:

“To be, or not to be.”

THAT is the Question.

With the start of a new decade of life, I don’t expected an instant character change.

But I am reflecting on the big mess I made of my 20s, and consciously rethinking who I am, who I want to be and how to be that person.

In the past year, I’ve realised that I want to become an actor. I want to use my body to tell stories, to explore and convey the complexity of human experiences and emotions.

I’ve always felt the need to tell stories and have often resorted to journalism or creative writing to fill that need. Sometimes I’ve also turned to documentary-style film and photography.

But if I’m honest with myself, journalism was always an artistic compromise. I didn’t believe I could make it as a poet, a musician or even an actor.

Acting is the one thing I never left myself try in high school and college. There were opportunities, but sadly I didn’t take them.

Now at 31, I’m coming back to that one art form that I’ve avoided for so long. I still feel that creative tug in my soul to take the risks to becoming an actor.

I’ve started to watch films critically and analyse my favourite actors. I know good acting when I see it. And the best actors give consistently great performances, regardless of film and genre.

I am inspired by great performances and proud of the strength of Hollywood’s current cast of movie stars.

In fact, I no longer dismiss them in my mind (as I used to do) as simply crazy rich “movie stars” with wild lifestyles and unattainable coolness. I no longer jealously judge them and accept that I can never be like them or achieve my own greatness.

Rather, I am beginning to see true artists, masters of their craft, gifted storytellers with immense training and skill – or at the very least, strong work ethics.

Their private lives aside, I see great artists who are sharing their art with the world; experienced teachers who can show me how to act with every master class performance.

To be clear: I do not aim to be a movie star or become famous. I have never cared for fame and or fortune. But I do aim to be an actor.

So last year I began to invest in building an acting portfolio, going to auditions and castings and working one-off gigs with small film crews.

Most every filming I was a part of was a low-budget project, shot guerilla-warfare style. The results did not exceed my expectations.

I did, however, end the previous decade on a promising note, landing a role in a demo reel showcasing the future 8K film standard for Chinese cinema.

Although I had no lines and we only filmed a few scenes of a “fake” movie, it was indeed a professional production, with a highly-skilled film crew using the best equipment available and with a big budget.

Not that it has improved my acting skills.

So my goal for the next few months is to self-educate myself on the different acting methods and practice until I make some noticeable improvement. Thankfully, there is some great material online.

Let’s see how far it takes me. I believe one should exhaust all free and public domain options before resorting to paid methods and materials. That at least will show me the tip of the iceberg.

One of the most commendable feats is being able to cry at any moment and shed real tears on camera. I watched Tom Hiddleston do that recently with a comedian about Baby Yoda in front of a laughing audience.

It was truly amazing. I want that level kind of skill, that level of mastery over my emotions.

So I have renamed this blog “TO BE.” — because, to answer Hamlet’s question, I have decided.

P.S. What do you want to be?

…Don’t wait until you grow up to be it!

to be.

Notes from the narrow road.

Hello, Hollywood!

New decade. New me.